The Better Mom- Growing Better together

That’s the heading of another email I am subscribed to, a Christian Mum who homeschools and has some great wisdom she shares with us regularly.

Christy’s blog can be found at :www.bettermom.com or http://www.christyhalsell.com

Today’s email is below some of it, and again it got me thinking…

“What do I want my children and Grand children to know?”

I Want My Children To Know. By Christy on Sep 25, 2014 01:00 am

I recently had a small procedure done. One thing led to another and I found myself thinking about all of the things I haven’t told my children. All of the things I want them to know if there comes a time when I’m gone…

1. How often I mess up.
Which is a lot. I want them to know that I’m not perfect and that they don’t need to be perfect either, but we all need to lean on Jesus.

2. Forgive.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean trusting and it doesn’t mean putting yourself in a position to be hurt again and again. It means letting it go…consistently.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
3. Value people.
Even when we don’t get them. People come in all shapes and sizes with all kinds of thoughts. Get to know them. Be willing to look past yourself and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

4. God pursues you.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life. Psalm 23:6

5. Be Active…Outside
Have you ever noticed how an afternoon spent watching movies can easily lend itself to an evening watching movies?

An object at rest will remain at rest… that’s Newton’s Law of Inertia. I’ve found it to be true with people too. There are, of course, times when we all need rest – but more often we need to move. Movement heals a multitude of ills and heals the heart and mind.

6. How Much I Think About Them
My children are often pushing for something to their benefit. “Mom, can we go here?” “Mom, can someone come over after practice?” “Mom, can I have a treat?” “Mom, when can I work on that special project?” and on and on and on…

One day after fielding countless requests I wanted to tell them: “Do you know you are always on my mind? That there is almost never a moment when I’m not thinking of you and how I can make things better for you? How I can make your day more fun? How I know I ask a lot of you and I want to make sure you are repaid for your work? ”

7. How Much God Thinks About Them
…and if I think about them day and night, how much more does God consider them? If a mother almost never has her children out of her mind, how much more does God consider all of us?

So many things comes to mind when I think of what I want my children to remember.

What’s something you would tell yours?
Blessings, Christy,  www.christyhalsell.com

So since Christy asked the question, it got me to thinking, always dangerous and now its 11:15 pm and I should be sleeping but what do I want my children to know…

I agree with so much Christy shares with her children.

1- How often I mess up.. Yes I do we ALL do, I think there is always something to learn from our mistakes and no I wouldn’t go back and re-do things because if we keep doing over how will we learn anything? I mess up guys, I am human, but the important thing is to realise it and hope you learn something by it.

2-Forgive-

Christy said:” Forgiveness doesn’t mean trusting and it doesn’t mean putting yourself in a position to be hurt again and again. It means letting it go…consistently.”

I love that! There have been some issues in my life where I have been repeatedly hurt by people you thought you should be able to trust, my catch phrase is “it’s not my fault I didn’t ask to be born” 

For you created my inmost being; when you knit me together in my Mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13)  See its HIS Fault it says so right here: “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts God, how vast is the sum of them” (Psalm 139:16 &17)

He chose the parents and the siblings for a reason, I don’t have to know or understand Why just know that it is so and I had to learn forgiveness, the whole first month of my journey to Walk with the Lord, I studied everything I could find about forgiveness, I spoke to many who were more advanced on this walk about forgiveness and I even got the local Pastor in for his opinion on Forgiveness and they all echoed Christy in some way “ Forgiveness doesn’t mean trusting and it doesn’t mean putting yourself in a position to be hurt again and again” so now each night, I pray for forgiveness to them, from them and for them and myself, because now I let God handle it all.

3. Value people.
Even when we don’t get them. People come in all shapes and sizes with all kinds of thoughts. Get to know them. Be willing to look past yourself and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Yes another one of Christy’s I fully agree with. My Star son is a walking example. He was born with a huge birthmark across his left eye, it looks like Australia upside down. We were all horrified and asked ourselves “What did we do wrong?” Countless hospital appointments to make sure there was nothing more sinister happening under the surface and no clear answers as to why. So we had to learn to deal with it.

My Star son has handled it well and taught many people that”Beauty is not only skin deep” he is and has a beautiful soul. There have been times when we have had to deal with mockers, especially on the football field, as recent as earlier this year, a child from the opposing team couldn’t win the tackle against my son the smaller child and so he got verbally abusive and attacked his birthmark, I won’t repeat what he said but it had us all asking “What do his parents teach him?” It outraged daughter number one who watched her brother come off the field crying and the way his team flocked around him was heart warming, she reported the incident to the opposing club and demanded that an apology be made to her Brother because as she said “In this day and age this sort of discrimination is not acceptable” yay go Jasmin! She got what she wanted and when Star Son got over the few tears, he said “That kid just doesn’t know any betterBINGO! He got that right.

I have had days when he was younger like 4 and 5 years old when other children would make comments about his face. One day while shopping I heard  a little boy saying to his Mother “Look at that kid with the chocolate on his face” his Mother hushed him saying “Shhh he’s got something wrong with him!”  No! He doesn’t but she didn’t want to know the truth, the little boy however went up to my Star son, while I was cringing behind a rack of clothing, dying a little bit inside waiting for a nasty comment to come, instead the little boy asked my Star Son “Did you spill chocolate on your face?” My Star son patiently replied to the smaller boy “No this is a birthmark” the little boy asked “Does it hurt?” star Son said “No its like your freckles it’s just a colour” the little boy thought about it for a second and said “Can I feel it?” My Star Son let him touch his face before the Mother called her Son away. As he walked away he looked back at Star Son and waved and then said to his Mum “Did you see that boy? He’s cool!” And he sure is!! He is also funny, smart and very popular, but you don’t see those things until you see past his birthmark.

So what has this birthmark taught us?

  • Empathy– because we don’t see it anymore its just part of him. It also helps Star Son be kinder to others because he says he knows what it feels like to be different!
  • Patience– he always takes time out to talk to people about it.
  • Respect– I respect that boy for how he deals with it. This birthmark has taught us all things.
  • Love– My other children would do anything to protect this brother from any of the rude comments, it brings them all much closer together.
  • Judgment The old saying is true “Don’t judge a book by its cover” open the first page and read a bit of it, ask my Star Son about his birthmark, you’ll see a well spoken, friendly young man who doesn’t mind talking about it, he even Jokes “I am a true Blue Aussie Mum I wear it on my face!”

6. How Much I Think About Them
My children are often pushing for something to their benefit. “Mom, can we go here?” “Mom, can someone come over after practice?” “Mom, can I have a treat?” “Mom, when can I work on that special project?” and on and on and on…

One day after fielding countless requests I wanted to tell them: “Do you know you are always on my mind? That there is almost never a moment when I’m not thinking of you and how I can make things better for you? How I can make your day more fun? How I know I ask a lot of you and I want to make sure you are repaid for your work?

Again Christy, so true, My Children might be out of my sight, but they are never far from my mind, simple little things during the day will have me thinking about them, like taking some clean laundry down to Star Son’s room, and I’ll see his football jumper hanging there and remember how proud I am to wear my Jacket to football games because I have it embroidered to say “Big Will’s Mum” right over my heart area! Indeed I am Big Will’s Mum and proud of that fact because I know that he gives 110% in every game he plays in!  Every day I am reminded how proud I am of Number One daughter Jasmin because she is a single parents and to make a better life for herself and my almost 10 month old Grandson, she recently moved back home, got a fulltime job and does what she hates the most, every day she gets up, kisses her beloved goodbye and goes to work, she’s gone from home 10 hours a day, that’s 10 hours a day she is missing out on her son, but she wants him to have what she “thinks” he needs, all he needs is a role model like her, to know he is loved and his Grandma to watch him while she works! He is doing wonderfully and my daughter makes my heart swell with admiration. Daughter Number Two is also a single Mother (My Girls have terrible tastes in Men!) and has for the first time moved out of home on her own with her daughter, every day I wonder what is my “Sweetpea” up to today? So I’ll check on FB and there will be a new photo or a funny comment about something she’s done.

The older Boys are boys, less likely to be found at home or even close by, but I read their FB posts and currently I am enjoying the eldest boys adventures along the East Coast of Australia, although I am envious it’s not me. I don’t always see them but I am often thinking about them.

What else would I like my Children to know?

Not everything I have done has been perfect, and I am sure there will be days when it will be less than perfect again in the future, but anything I have done has been done because I thought it was in your best interests. When I found out I was going to be a Mother I made the plan and Statement that I would be the best Mother I can be, and raise Children better than I was and I constantly keep reviewing “What Can I do better? What can I do differently?”

When I look at my daughters I see strong young independent women, something I never was. I see popular young women with lots of friends, something I never was. I see young women who stand up for what they think is right, what they belive in, something I never did. I see two young women who have a relationship with their Mum that their friends sometimes envy, because we three can and will talk about anything and everything together, something I never had. When I was growing up, I wanted a job, friends, a marriage and an exciting life, I did not succeed at many of those things, but MY daughters have got the life I “thought” I wanted, maybe that’s how it was supposed to go.

Another thing I want to tell my Children is, whatever I have done, I have done in love. There is nothing so bad that I wont always love you.

 

So I think Overall my Mothering Skills are doing OK.

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