Monday, December 22, 2014
Mother Thesesa said, “Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” Who do you hope to catch in your net this week?
A few years ago, My middle son and I had a falling out. It was a lot deeper than that but we don’t need to go there right now. I thought I was passed it all but as I get deeper into my Biblical reading and start working through the questions that I was asked the one reoccurring thing that kept coming up was “Jarrah” technically he’s my eldest son but when my Bloke came along with his son that made my son the middle child.. well middle boy child.
Anyways Jarrah has some “issues” and sometimes they come to a head and blow up, the last time was bad, and sadly the police were involved and restraining orders and it was just a huge nightmare, and through it all he insists that “it’s all YOUR fault Mum you borned me” how can I argue with that logic. I did give”birth” him, I raised him, I loved him, I adored him, he was the most wanted child in my whole family. I gave up a year gladly to homeschool him, I would do everything I’ve done all over again, if only I could have a different outcome.
But through my “Walk with the Lord” I know that everything happens for a reason and it doesn’t matter if I don’t understand one day maybe I will. I had to step out of my comfort zone on so many levels dealing with this stuff, I’ve grown, I’ve had to but I’ve also lost my son.
“Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls” Who do I hope to catch in my net? Some-days I want my son back, I miss him, I hate that he hates me for giving birth to him, I hate that he has changed my way of parenting. I miss him in the family gatherings, and I hate that he refuses to be in any family photo where I am. I hope that as he matures he will change his mind and come back, but what’s that old saying “If you love something set it free, if it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t it never was” I am starting to feel he never was mine.
If I had to catch anyone in y net I would hope it would be Jarrah, and that we could start over and make friends.