J is for…. triple treat!

APRIL-CALENDAR [2015]

  For more info about the challenge.. look here:http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

J

Today I have three family members to introudcue you to.. I was going to do my eldest daughter and my eldest son, but then I remembered when I was writing this story: https://kimlhine.wordpress.com/2015/04/09/h-is-for-lots-of-pics-in-this-post/

That I would NOT have become a HINE without this man… my Father-in-law “J”ock.

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Jock and Fran Hine with Grandson Will.

So let’s talk about Jock, he was born Jock Kenneth Hine on 30th July 1927, I’ve already told you about how he met his wife Fran in this post about my Mother-in-law- https://kimlhine.wordpress.com/2015/04/07/f-is-for/ Originally when I made the list of “ideas” for my “family based” A-Z Challenge, I was going to add Fran under “T” for Tanny.. but I decided to go by her real name Fran, “J” was always going to be my son and daughter but I’m sure they wont mind sharing with Jock, because we all loved him.

The first time I met Jock, I was pregnant with his Son’s child and not at all sure how I would be welcomed, but Jock was very welcoming and made an effort to get to know us all individually, he joked with my children and made them instantly love him, The more I got to know Jock, the more I felt like he was so similar to my Dad.. My Dad’s birthday was the next day the 31st July, they both wore beards and both liked beer, and they both had the same family ethics, I guess in Jock I saw what I was missing with my Dad. My Dad died in April 1992, so Jock was a welcome breath of fresh air.

Soon after Jock got sick we were standing out the front of their house in Niddrie a suburb of Melbourne when a plane flew over, it was fairly low on the way to land at the airport no doubt, and we both looked up, Jock asked me “Do you want to travel Miz Kimmy?” (a nick name he’s picked up from Rob) I said “oh yes I can’t wait for the children to be grown and more self-sufficient so we can go jetting off” and so we chatted about where I would like to go and he said to me “Will you do me a favour? I said “Of course Jock if I can I would!” and he said “Will you go to the Pyramids and see the sunset there and think of me, I loved the pyramids” I agreed that “Yes” I would go because I had always wanted to see the pyramids after my Father was there in WW2, I have a photo of my Dad on a camel in front of the Pyramids. He was happy that I had agreed to go. I told the Bloke the conversation later in the night and we swore that we would some day have a beer at the pyramids for our Fathers. Jock passed away in 2007 when “Star Son” was just 5 yrs old, I wasn’t sure how to best tell him about his beloved Grandfather, so I went to the children’s primary school librarian and asked her “Are there any books that I can borrow to read to him to help him understand death and dying?” she gave me a bunch of books which we all read as a family and he seemed to understand, he found a sea shell that Jock had given him, and was listening to it very intently. I asked him “Billy what are you doing?” he said “Listen Mum, Jock is talking to me?” I listened to the sea shell and you know you heard the whooshing sound of the ocean, Star Son went on to tell me “Jock said that I have to look after Tanny for him, coz  she’s sad” So he took his shell and showed it to his Grandmother who didn’t hear anything and asked “What am I listening for?” he said “Jock wants me to look after you so you wont be sad” It was a special moment and we still have that shell. That was the start of what for many yers became “Will and Tanny date days” he would go and spend a day with her over the school holidays and they would go shopping, have lunch and sometimes see a movie, they loved it.

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Jock, Will and Rob, three generations of the Hine Men.


Next person I’d like you to meet is my first-born daughter Jasmin Elizabeth Hamilton, super child was born on her exact due date and back then only 5% of Australian women had their babies on their due date. Being my first pregnancy I enjoyed it as much as I could, maybe a little too much I gained 30 kilograms in weight (66 pounds) At the start I had a scare with some spotting I thought I was loosing her and I had failed, but I had bed rest and everything was ok, no morning sickness all was good. When I got pregnant with Jasmin I was a naive 22 yr old, I was convinced I was going to die giving birth, I was terrified of needles and my Mother had to come to all my hospital appointments with me and on the day I had to have blood taken she had to hold my hand!

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Jasmin Elizabeth Hamilton about 3 months old,

Jasmin was born after a fairly easy labour, well, I didn’t die so it was a bonus. On July 6th 1990 and 5.43 pm, weighing in at a healthy 8 pounds exact! The Dr who delivered her was named Elizabeth and was so lovely, she told us that in the month of June six “Jessica’s” which was going to be her chosen name, were born, so we quickly changed it to “Jasmin” and asked the sisters “What was the Dr’s name” and we chose Elizabeth as her middle name,The rumors went around the hospital like wild-fire and on her ward round she said “I heard a rumor that a baby had been named after me” She was proudly telling her student nurses about “her baby” Jasmin was born with Group B strep, and I was really sick with the flu and a high temperature, my Mum and Dad were the first to meet her when she was only about 10 minutes old, the benefit of living so close to the hospital. Jasmin spent the first week of her life in the Special care unit and I’ll never forget the day it was day number 3 I went in to feed her and the old crabby nurse said “well “these” babies usually die by day three, so it looks like she’ll be ok” I don’t recall knowing that her condition was that bad and so I ended up in a flood of tears. The DR who delivered her Dr Elizabeth McKenzie came into see me and went down to the special care unit and tore strips off that nurse. I never saw her again.

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“Poppa” Scarffe took her to her first Baby Show, and she smiled and giggled at him standing behind the judges, how could she not win??

Jasmin is the person I always wanted to be.. she is now almost 25 in July.. and she is popular and smart, and funny, and well liked by all ages, she’s quick to help any one but don’t think she’s a push over, nope not my girl. She can be funny and cruel and I am so proud of her I sometimes look at this first-born and ask myself “How did I get you?” she is the polar opposite of me, we look nothing alike, we act nothing alike and then I realized she is everything I wanted to be, I missed it and she got it all. And she is a great Mother to boot!!

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Jasmin and Mum on her 19th Birthday.


The final family member to introduce for the letter “J” is my first-born son “Jarrah” by the time I got to having him number three child I was beyond caring as long as he was healthy but I still really wanted a boy to continue the “Hamilton” name.

When I had the Ultrasound they asked “Do you want to know the sex?” and I said yes but trying hard not to be disappointed if they said “a girl” but it was a boy! The pregnancy seemed to be going along well and then about 6 weeks before he was due, they said he seemed to have stopped growing so they sent me for an ultrasound, which showed that the fluids he was swimming in had begun to dry up and so the decision was made to induce and get him out sooner rather than later.

Jarrah John (after my Dad) Hamilton was born on August 24th 1994, weighing a tiny 7 pound 7 ounces.. tiny compared to his sisters! and my mother promptly announced he looked like a skinned rabbit.. Gee thanks Mum appreciate that vote of confidence! He was happy and healthy and seemed to be doing everything right, he fed well and so day two we went home, because we could sleep better in our own beds, he slept well and fed well and I was walking around on cloud nine I finally had my boy! At his 6 week check up they did his complete check up and noticed that one of his testes was un-descended, so the referred him to a specialist. Before we had time to make that appointment he caught a cold.. so I thought.. but no amount of home care could help him so we went off to the Dr who promptly sent us to the Royal Children’s hospital it was October the 11th 1994, my birthday and I sat in the hospital with a sick baby. They tested him for everything even dong a spinal to check the fluid and finally they diagnosed Pneumonia, and he was staying the night on a drip, they thought that I should go home because I had two more children to care for and stupidly I went, so stupid, I left my precious little boy all alone and went home. He ended up staying there for a week, and while he was there they also found out he had “clicky hips” so he was fitted for a brace to immobilize his hips. and booked him in for surgery for his testes. It was like one thing after another and I don’t think I’ve cried so many tears.

After that things went along smoothly until it was time for him to go to kindergarten, and then alarm bells started ringing, he was too clingy, he didn’t socialize with the other kids, he didn’t do as he was told, there were learning difficulties, one bad news story after another, At that same time my marriage was breaking down and so of course it ALL became my fault I “babied him”, I’d caused this. The school principal got involved and suggested he start school as planned and they would keep an eye on him and refer him for any added help he might need.

Then the nightmares started, all kinds of labels, troubled, slow, needed extra help, the principal even suggested that it was my fault ( a familar catch cry through out the years) because my marriage was breaking down and he was involved.. he was referred to a psychologist and oh the drama………… long story short, the boy I wanted so much has ADHD and ODD and all his life has been a struggle, and over the years it’s a recurring theme… “it’s all your fault your borned me” 

This year my son will be 21, it’s usually a big deal and huge parties are normally planned but I probably won’t even see my son, he’s now moved interstate, and he’s found God, the one good thing that could happen to him. We are on talking terms just, and it’s so hard to know that he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life, he couldn’t wait to leave home, because I cared too much about him, because I wanted only the best for him. That one has flown the nest, and I am just left to wonder if it was my fault and if I could have done anything differently… deep down I KNOW it’s not but the soft small voice inside me that always wanted a son still asks.. “what went wrong there?”

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9 thoughts on “J is for…. triple treat!

  1. I really enjoyed reading about your family of “J”s. If my oldest son, Jordan, had been a girl, his name would have been Jasmine 🙂
    I’m so sorry for your estrangement from your son though. I hope time heals whatever wounds still hurt him.

  2. My youngest was born a month after your oldest, on August 9, 1990. Her middle name is the same as the doctor that delivered her, like your Jasmin. Susie was my biggest weighing 8 lbs., 11 oz. and measuring 23 1/2 inches! She’s the one I had for me. She’s the one that looks like me.

    I think your son will eventually come back to you. I really do. He has to sort things out for himself and mature and get an understanding of the world. At almost 21, he’s still very young. It will happen.

    • Thank you Corina, I hope so its what I pray for, there’s that old saying “if you let it go and it comes back its yours if it doesn’t it never was” there have been so many learning curves with that child, so many tears, so much growing!

  3. Pingback: A- Z Blogging challenge is finished but…. | Kim L Hine

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