It’s official!!

I’ve been hoarding a secret. I am so NOT good at secrets. in fact I am so bad that I didn’t really hoard the secret, I came home and emailed my bestie, I felt safe doing that because at the time my bestie was touring UK with her Mum and I knew that she would never tell my secret anyways, she’s my bestie and she knows that I dont keep secrets well. So I emailed her and I said “Deanne, I HAVE to tell someone I think I might burst” and then of course I swore her to secrecy, except for her husband who would never tell anyways. Deanne is also God Mother to my three eldest children!

So remember this Post I wrote it back on August 12th about going to meet the In Laws! We had a lovely night I got on really well with Brett’s Mum, Anna. I think we will become friends, I hope she feels the same. We were chatting away happily when Jasmin and Brett mentioned that they had “finally” picked a date for their Engagement party, up to now they’ve been too busy to organise one. So they told us the date was going to be November 29th which is a relief because I’ll be back from my holiday then. So Anna and I went back to our conversation when very quietly Brett added…. “And its going to be a secret wedding” 

Anna and I at the same time, our heads snapped up and we both gasped “WHAT??” So the children went on to tell us that they didnt want any fuss, they didnt want our money or our help, everything was planned. Immediately my mind switched on.. Flowers,photos, music, food, venue, decorations, dress! And so the questions started flowing, “Yes I have my dress” she says, “no there won’t be any flowers” and “Ella the bridesmaid will do the photos” Anna and I being the Mums that we are asked “What about food? What about tables and chairs?”  I think its the first time in my life I’ve been speechless or as close to speechless as I am capable of.  Both Jasmin and Brett were very adamant, they didnt want or need our help, most of it was planned and that if we felt like we had to pay any money put it towards their house deposit.

I came home deflated. I was sad, the first chance to be a Mother of the Bride and it wasn’t going to happen, they didnt want my help, they didnt want our money, I felt my title slippping away. How can one be a “Mother of the Bride” if the Bride to be wont let her help? So I emailed my bestie and I whined to her. The best thung about my Bestie is (it comes from a LONG friendship) she was able to snap me out of my deflated mood and remind me “its her wedding it’s her day, let her go” Normally if Deanne was home, I’d call her and cry over the phone and she’d fix me right up, instead she did the job over facebook messenger, what a gal!!

So I decided that since I can’t breathe a word to anyone, the invites would be to an Engagement Party and they would quietly slip out get changed and have a celebrant turn up to marry them, I had to pretend it was an engagement party and act surprised. So I put it out of my mind. When I had Children my first thought was to raise them to be independant and especially the girls, so they wouldn’t grow up like me, and they are so far the polar opposite of me its amazing! But this one.. My first born maybe went a little too far!

So I mourned the “Mother of the Bride” role that I wouldnt have and instead looked foreard to the “Mother-in-law” role which will last much longer. I started looking on Pintrest for ideas of “MOB” dresses and duties that one would normally do, and yes, I cried, coz I wont have any of that. But I kept hearing  Deanne in my head “it’s her Day its her wedding” and I kept my lip tightly closed.

Bride to be Miz Frugal, I am so proud of her for that. The Bloke and I did our whole medieval wedding for $5,000 and so I know it can be done, she was aiming for much less. Brought her wedding dress of ebay, it wasn’t right so she asked me to come looking at dresses with her. I tried not to get too excited, I answered her questions for my opinion only when asked. I helped her try on a dress, and I refrained from gushing over how beautiful it and she looked. None of those tear jerking scenes like in all the movies when the MOB sits in the bridal shop and watches her daughter parade in frothy gowns of silk and pearls, not for me and my daughter, I did the back of her dress up and took a photo on her phone for her and then I helped her to get out of it. The Dress is beautiful and I’m not saying anymore until I can share the wedding photos!

Then I asked, very carefully, I’m scared of being shut out, about how she was wearing her hair? flowers? Veil? Tiara? She explained what she wanted and we moved on. Eventually I convinced her to have some flowers, even a frugal wedding needs flowers. i offered to buy the flowers to save their budget. Then I contacted my Niece who is a florist, and I asked Danielle.. What do I need to do? How much? I would much rather keep it in the family if I can. But my wonderful neice, offered to do the flowers for Jasmin’s wedding as a gift! I really wanted to pay Danielle and she really wanted to do this as a gift for Jasmin. I am astounded by her generosity! So Flowers are organised.

Then I asked my other Neice Sarah, (you all met Sarah Here, when I helped her decorate for her wedding) Sarah is my hairdresser and so Iasked her about Hair, for Jasmin, Ella (Bridesmaid) Amber (sister of the Bride and my #2 daughter) and for me on the day of the wedding. I feel like Amber and I should be a little pampered too. So I have arranged Sarah to do our hair and make up.

The other big ticket thing I wanted to know about without upsetting Miz Frugal, was wedding photos. I feel that without decent photos she would regret it afterwards, I know my Daughter doesnt like clutter and she certainly is not sentimental, but I think I know her well enough to know there would be a day whe she would regret NOT having good photos, so I contacted Gabbie Hine (no relation) for a quote. Gabbie and I met on Facebook and have been chatting on and off so we arranged for her to come and meet Jasmin and discuss “photos” I warned her that Jasmin wasn’t going to be the “traditional Bride” but I was surprised when they hit it off so well and I went ahead and booked Gabbie in, I am allowed to pay for Gabbie yay!! Miz Frugal says “I only have five hours for my party, I dont want to waste it on wedding photos, no dressing shots, no shoes, no bouquets photos, no pre wedding photos… Gabbie and I were sinking lower and lower into our chairs. Eventually I had to ask “Can I suggest one photo?” I asked for a nice photo of Jasmin, Amber and I, it’s been on my bucket list for years to have a “Glamour portait with my Daughters” and what better time to have a decent photo done, we will have our hair, makeup and best clothes on. She agreed to that so I asked Gabbie to write that down and keep it on record so she doesnt change her mind.

Tonight the paper work for the contract came via email and as soon as I fill it in and pay the deposit it’s all offical. So in 12 days when I head off to my 2 month camping teip across Australia I can go knowing that I have organised, hair and makeup, flowers, and photographer. 

On Wednesday night Jasmin, her future Mother-in-law Anna and I had dinner at Jasmin’s house Brett was off fishing with his Dad for the week. We addressed the invites and posted them off, they decied to skip the “engagement” and just get married and so we were not allowed to say anything until the invites had been done. Yesterday I saw this!

On Jasmin’s facebook page, so I politely asked “is it offical now? Can I tell people?” She replied “Sure” and so right away I knew what todays blog would be about…. In 88 days I will become “Mother-in-law” its going to be a wonderful day. But first in 11 days I’m running away, far far away to the other side of Australia. I have to find a dress and some shoes in the mean time and a purse as well.

Today is the 1st of September, 1st day of spring and I am starting “Sugarfree September” wish me luck people! I have the motivation to stay off sugar and loose some weight!! 


10 thoughts on “It’s official!!

  1. It seems we both have raised very independent girls. I too have had to try not to be too vocal with my opinion. Bill’s first words to me were “it’s their wedding stay out of it”, so I have tried to do this. Danielle has been wonderful and if she asks my opinion i give it, but only when she asks. It’s not always easy though!
    Jasmin will be the same with you. You have a strong relationship. Enjoy the ride! Lol

    • Oh its not a bad thing to raise independent girls. I am thankful in that, I know, no one will ever walk over her and for that I am glad that she’s so different than me. Maybe I had too high expectations. I don’t recall my Mother ever having anything to do with the planning of my wedding either one of them LOL as well. Jasmin knows where I am and if she needs a job done I am able and willing to help with anything she needs. I am thankful for the bits she has allowed me to help with. I am excited to see Danielle’s wedding photos, I hope there will be lots shared on FB while I am far far away.

  2. Congratulations to the mother of the bride, the bride, the groom and everyone in your family. Ok she wants to have it her way…cool. Have a surprise package for her after the wedding. Trust me couples always need the money more after the wedding ceremony.

  3. I disagree about it being their wedding. It is of course, but it is also a ceremony that joins two families & those families should have some input. Due to this wedding, you all become one family & frankly, you should be able to celebrate every aspect, even planning. I’ve been the mob & it was a miserable experience because the bride was so self centered & she caused many many hurt feelings. What is worse, because she was such a miserable bridezilla, she wasn’t happy about her wedding & blames me, 11 years later.

  4. It is her wedding. I think you handled it well, though. You didn’t throw a tantrum and insist that she let you do the planning. You suggested. You provided answers. You did well, Kim!

    While I agree that weddings are a time to celebrate the joining of two families, I think we have to be careful because weddings mean different things to different people and if our own expectations are too high, we will be disappointed. When my son got married, the bride’s parents took over and I was not allowed to have any say at all…not one little thing…because they were paying for it and they took over the whole thing. Of course, I did end up spending a small fortune paying for the limo, and all of the booze! But that didn’t count. So I got absolutely no say. I was very disappointed. I think the next time one of them marries, I will expect nothing then I will not be disappointed!

    • Oh Corina! I’m sorry that happened to you too. I am lucky that I got to do a bit! I’m just happy to know Jasmin and Brett have so much planned before l go I would hate to be so far away and unable to help at all.

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