How to use the letter “P” into my family theme? I thought of Parenting– but l’ve talked about that. Planning a family? Hmmm l didn’t actually plan mine! So lm going to chat about Perfection it’s over rated!
When l was a first time Mother l stupidly thought l had to do everything perfectly. I think it might have seemed like l was doing okay, l think it was really my first child Jasmin was easy! So she made me look good. I thought l had to do everything perfectly l was kidding myself. There is no such thing as Perfection and l was the only one putting myself under that pressure (there’s another “P” word!)
When child number two came along Amber, Jasmin was 22 months old. Though Amber was also an easy baby, she was lazy! Jasmin Walked at 9 months, she spoke, she did stuff. Amber had her own language that apparently only Jasmin understood because she would say “My Sister needs a drink” Amber had beautiful blonde curls, which l fought over every.single.day to get them brushed and looking neat! Both girls slept really well but Jasmin knew by the music on a TV l watched every day that it was “Bedtime Mummy, come on sister” and off they’d head to bed! Amber wouldn’t crawl, she wouldn’t talk and certainly wouldn’t walk until she was 22 months old!
Then along came Jarrah and things started to unravel. At about three years old life got hard! I thought “Wow! So this is what having a boy is like” but it wasn’t and it wasn’t until he was diagnosed with his ADHD and ODD that l realised nothing was going quite right and what had happened to my perfect life?!
I guess my eyes were opened to my lack of perfection when my first husband blamed me for the way Jarrah was “It’s your fault he’s a Mummy’s boy!” The Doctors tried to reassure me that was untrue but you know once a seed is sown it sprouts and then you begin to question.. “What did l do wrong? What should l have done? What could l have done differently?” Suddenly not only was l NOT perfect l was suddenly a failure and then the marriage went too and oh gosh now l was a single parent and flawed!
Not only did l fail my son l failed at my marriage vows. Then l was told in a fit of rage “If our Mother dies it’ll be your fault!” Because my ex sister and l had a disagreement and l refused to drive in the car with her to see our Mother. So now l’ve failed as a Daughter and Sister- gee 2000 was shaping up perfectly!! Then one day l was watching Oprah Winfrey and l had a light bulb moment when she was talking to Maya Angelou and one of them said ….
I cried A LOT! I realised l didn’t have to be Perfect, just Perfect for my children.
I’m the only one who tries to be perfect, for myself, for other people but really l know there’s no such thing as Perfection.
Now l do the best l can and be happy with knowing l did the best l could. I’ve stopped “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda” and now l say that was then this is now moving right along!!
Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.
Kim L Hine 