“Hope is an olive leaf, to remind the dreamer, the dream is worth dreaming” Max Lucado
From his book “John 3:16”
Today l woke up happier than l have for ages. On Saturday l finally hit the bottom, funny thing is, the thing that broke me was nothing to do with my Star Son and his dramas, but it was enough to break through my wall of protection. It was totally unrelated and quite an old (5 years ago) happening but l was weak and l broke.
I also deleted Facebook. I decided that l couldn’t deal with the dramas anymore, so l shut that down and have been enjoying the silence.
But l also spent most of Saturday sneakily wiping away tears, walking through Bunnings, my eyes leaked, doing the grocery shopping, my eyes leaked, l had a serious “woe is me” few hours but it was alright because Bree was with Star Son so he never knew. I guess l can only go so long being strong for everyone else before l break.
Sunday l didn’t even know if l could do see him, l felt so awful like l was getting sick, so The Bloke let me sleep in and fed me Orange juice and panadol, and l pulled up my Big Girl Panties and off l went again.
We came home early Sunday my husband cooked steak, eggs and salad he decided l needed real food not over priced fried food from a Bain Marie. I had a shower and orange juice and panadol and went to bed, praying to Jehovah “Please let tomorrow be his day” l always find that when l give it to God l sleep better. So this morning l woke up with a new pep in my step and l felt more positive.
My friend James told me that Jehovah hears the whispers in our hearts that our words cannot say. Or something similar to that, bottom line is he told me “Don’t shut Jehovah out”
The sky was pink and orange this morning l took photos on the way to the hospital, who besides Jehovah would think to put those colours together, and who are we, mere mortals to argue, we only stare in awe at their beauty. We left a bit later because l made myself a green smoothie, l felt like my body needs better than l’m giving it.
We got there in time for the Doctors to do their morning rounds. They all come en-mass maybe ten of them, physio, infectious diseases, head of ortho, he never speaks he just stands and listens. This morning l said “Good Morning everyone” most of them responded not him. I’ve seen some of these Drs daily l feel like we’re friends.
He nodded. But today WAS different because last week my husband got fed up with the “Baby Drs” telling us one thing then coming back and changing things, he got loud and though he was calm he got his point across, “You tell him one thing, get his hopes up, then smash him down, we need someone to tell us straight and keep communication lines open”
So today the Boss Dr spoke. He said that there was still some fluid on his knee and depending on his blood results and his Echocardiogram on his heart they might decide to do a fourth surgery.
His smile faded, my husband’s colour faded and my heart dropped. Apart from the fact that Star Son looks great and is using his knee, his PCP (blood counts?) Were not coming down, they were up as high as 250, then got to 148 and plateaued and on Friday they spiked. So on Friday the Dr took all hope of release away from him. They kept him all weekend they were anticipating him spiking a fever and regressing.
So today Boss Dr says, “Let’s see what the Bloods tell us and the echo and then we’ll talk to the Surgeon for the final say.” And then they turned to go, l said “I have a question”
He looked at me ” What if the Echo is NOT good” he said
“We will discuss that then if we need to” and he was gone.
The lovely Baby Dr from Infectious Diseases whispered “I’ll organise the blood tests and echo early” and she scurried away.
So husband went to work and we sat defeated waiting for anything to happen. The ward nurse came back and said he was going down at 9.30am for his echo. YAY! Finally things were happening. So we sat and we waited and we waited and then it was 11.15am while we waited.
Got a phone call from Son number one, got him caught up on the latest news and then finally l asked a nurse “What happened to our 9.30am Echo?”
He said “Let me find out” and rushed off. He returned to do the blood test and report “They decided to keep you at the 3:30pm appointment they already gave you” Ok fair enough but Do l take him down to radiology or will some one collect him?
“Oh no!” He says
“A ward clerk will escort him”
So we decided that since we had some hours to kill let’s escape the ward and go look at the canteen and get junk food… yeah so much for that “putting something healthy into my body” although that green smoothie l took was so good. We got hot chips and bottles of coke and went back to watch Dr Phil. Why not we’re paying for the TV.
The Hospital in the Home Nurse came to meet us, her paper work said he was going home today and she had organised a nurse to visit us tomorrow.. “Yeah about that! Best cancel her!” We filled in the consent forms and waited for half past three,
Then it was 3.45pm and then 4.00pm and finally l went to the nurse in charge and asked her
“Really? What’s going on we’ve been waiting since 9.30am and it’s now 4.15pm for a 3.30pm appointment, should l take him myself?”
She said “I’ll make some calls.”
4.20pm along comes the ward clerk with a wheel chair to take him away. He’s been the most nervous about the echocardiogram because it’s his heart and he thought he was dying. So he came back with a big smile to tell us, (Dad had arrived by then, because the Drs said they’d be back to update us at 5.00pm. )
“the guy doing the “ultrasound thingy” had said “it looks good mate” so he felt at ease and that made us at ease.
And so we waited…and waited and noticed that hospital time is kinda like being on holidays it gets done when it gets done.
Finally, my never patient husband, went to the charge nurse and asked “Where are the Drs?” As he turned around he spotted one and asked him to review Star Sons file and come chat, my husband is slowly taking charge.
And there came our little glimmer of hope!
He said “Mate! Your blood is good it’s dropped by half”
So that takes it down to around 80 and he said he wanted it under 100! Winning! Sadly due to circumstances the Echocardiogram results were not back yet BUT the Dr asked Star Son “when they did your echo what did they say?” Star Son repeated what he had told us and the Dr smiled!
“That’s good BUT we have to have the official written report and we have to wait to speak to the Surgeon, but, from my point of view you’re good to go tomorrow, touch wood!”
We had high fives all round. We all know we shouldn’t get our hopes up, they might smash us back down to the ground tomorrow and we know, honestly we do he’s in the right place and getting the right treatment BUT we want him home…
Home is where his Mum is, (and speanding 11 hours a day in the hospital Mum is missing home too!)
Home is where his heart is,
HOME is where his family are and his girlfriend has open access he needs to come home.
Hope is an olive leaf, proof to the dreamer that a dream is worth dreaming.
My heart feels a little lighter already!!