A new week begins…

For some of us it’s a sad week because we lost a loved one, my Soul Sister is on the other side with her spirit guide a blue heron! And l cried a lot that day, just all of a sudden a tear would fall, then that night at 7:46pm loads of tears fell and l thanked my Soul Sister for helping Violet enter the world safely. I haven’t cried at any other birth but l kept thinking about what was told to me when my Dad died “One soul leaves the world one soul enters” and back then l didn’t appreciate it but l’ve read ALOT since then and so l start off this new week minus my friend but with this precious little girl.

I’ve been busy documenting her life, photos with her Mum, photos with her Dad, amazing beautiful photos of her with her big sister, with Grandpa and Uncle Will, with Aunty Jasmin and Aunty Bree, with all her Sunbury Cousins. None with Grandma. But Grandma kept a detailed journal listing about everything because Grandma is the keeper of our stories.

Welcoming a new life means decluttering and cleaning and making things perfect. So this morning the Bloke and l re arranged the living room added a cradle, made half Scarlett’s “Home school desk” a change table and added subdued light. Swept away cobwebs and floors and mopped, scrubbed and cleaned and organised until Amber rang and said “We can come home!”

I brought a box of chocolates and a cream cake for the midwifery team l told them “Afternoon tea is on us!” and wrote them a card thanking them for their care of not only Amber and Violet but of me too! I know it’s their job but I imagine it’s not always pleasant. I wanted them to know we appreciated their care and support. Violet was my fifth Grandchild born there, l couldn’t imagine now going to a different hospital.

At home Grandpa gave her the first feed, he’s always been hands on with the Grandchildren. We walked to school to pick up Scarlett who almost burst out of her skin to see her Mum and Baby Sister there! She showed Violet off to all the children and her teacher!

After school Jasmin came with Chase, Aria and Harvey who all had a cuddle of her. Then “Big Unca” Will, came home and immediately took charge and he fed her the next bottle. I managed to get some of her bath done! And the bottles washed! Next feed went to Aunty Bree who came to meet Violet and so more photos and still none with Grandma!

This week is going to be hectic. I just need to go camping!

Remembering My Soul Sister…

Today my heart was shattered.

Today heaven gained a new angel with beautiful shining wings but us left behind are crying for her loss.

In 2012- I signed up for an art class called “Painting the Goddess within” and how lucky was l to meet my own Goddess! We met by commenting on art things and realised we thought similarly and then we were partnered in an art swap! We each had to do a piece of art and send it to each other and so l had to add her as a Facebook friend so that we could exchange addresses.

We became Facebook friends on 5th Feb 2013

Carrol was a very loving, caring and sharing lady. So when she told me that she was going on a cruise and it was leaving from Australia l jumped at the chance to have her in the same country and spoke to the Bloke about having a few days off work so we could fly to where ever they were going to be in hopes of meeting my Soul Sister in real life! Unbeknownst to me her beautiful husband Willie took an extra step and planned for them to come to Victoria my own state so we could meet in person! Carrol and l chatted often counting down the days, she was overjoyed when we welcomed Grandchild number four into the world and her favourite sign off was “I can’t wait to hug that baby girl!”

So finally the day came and we went to the airport bright an early to be sure we didn’t miss them! I worried “What if l don’t recognise her!” My Bloke said “You’ll know her!” And sure enough l knew her! We wrapped each other in a big hug and then wrapped Willie in one too. I apologised “Sorry Willie but lm a hugger!” We spent the morning at our home and then took Carrol and Willie around the corner to meet our daughter Jasmin, son in law Brett and grandchildren Chase and baby Aria. Carrol got her wish to hug “that baby girl”

Carrol and”That baby girl” Aria!

Carrol got on the floor and laid down beside Aria on the rug and just touched her hand and spent time chatting to her. We eventually dragged her away and went for lunch. Soon it was time for Carrol and Willie to check into their accommodation and so we delivered them safely into the City. I had to work on the Monday doing exams but we held a “Welcome to Melbourne” party on the Tuesday as it was a public holiday for Melbourne Cup, the horse race that stops a Nation. I invited all the family and my real life Bestie because she’s my first Soul Sister and she needed to meet our new “Sister”

My Besties!! Deanne and Carrol, all my best parties are in the kitchen and these two proved that point!

We had a great day getting to know Carrol and Willie and for them to get to know all the people we love, people we had so often spoken about. I made Carrol and Willie adoptive Grandparents to our baby girl Aria!

Aria has American Adopted Grandparents!!

Although we spoke some more during their stay in Australia that was the last visit l had as l had unfortunately had to work the rest of that week.

Carrol and l spoke regularly on Facebook messenger and l called a few times. Sadly not often enough.

In 2019 when Carrol’s health started deteriorating and she was feeling miserable we cried together. It was then l made the plan! I’m going to America to see Carrol, maybe an impending visit would cheer her up and l’ll time it so that l can be there for her birthday. So l asked my Bestie Deanne if she would like to come. And then l included a visit with two other soul sisters one also in North Carolina and one in Indiana! All these women had strong friendships with me all had the love of art in common as well as many other things, so l thought maybe l can get them all together. I introduced them all to each other in a group chat along with my Texan Soul Sister who was then living in the UK. These strong women all got on wonderfully and so we started arranging how we could all meet. In the end it was decided we, Deanne and I, would fly to NC and visit with Carrol, then drive over and collect Dea and then us four would drive to the Smoky Mountains and JoEllen would drive to there from Indiana they worked out it was about half way. We’d spend a four day “Soul Sisters retreat” and then Dea and Carrol would drive home and we’d continue on with JoEllen and fly out of Indiana.

So Deanne and l booked our flights, got our visas and made plans, all paid up, JoEllen’s husband booked our cabin in the Smoky Mountains and l had even prepared a song play list on Spotify, we were all set to go and then…


Lockdowns started our flights were cancelled, we were not allowed to leave our suburb a 5 kms radius, much less our State, or Country. And just like a puff of smoke there went that dream!

And now the whole reason for going to America is gone. The world is a greyer place today without my Soul Sister Carrol.

Willie, Carrol, me and Rob. Tuesday 1st November 2016
Carrol gained her angel wings today!

Carrol l’ll never ever forget you. But at last you are pain free! Sleep well my Soul Sister till we meet again!

Remembering Tanny.. one year on.

Today we have no #AtoZchallenge because it’s Sunday so today let’s remember Tanny who has been gone from us one whole year.

Frances Hine meeting her Great Grand Daughter Scarlett aged three days old November 2013.

Tanny is my Mother in law, l’ve I already written a blog about Tanny in “F” for Fran so if you read that you’ll know she was called Tanny because her twin Sister Val couldn’t say Franny so she became Tanny, even to her Grandchildren.

Twelve months ago today Tanny left us and this world. Whether you’re a Believer of God and the afterworld or Heaven, Tanny left us. We had to explain to small people that Tanny had gone to Heaven with Jehovah (and yes she was with our cat Carl Boy and dog Avalon!) How to explain to my small Grandchildren aged 6 “Why can’t we visit Tanny!” Because we used to take the odd random Grandchild with us to see Tanny. Sweetpea (you’ll meet her at letter S”) used to love to go and see Tanny because the nursing home had a chicken pen and Scarlett and Grandpa would go and visit them. Plus Lynn who served morning tea on Saturdays always made Scarlett chocolate milk!

Star Son (you’ll meet him at W) with Grandson Chase and Tanny.

We always used to attend the special days at Willowbrae. Mother’s Day, Christmas and Melbourne Cup day. One year we randomly turned up when they had a performer singing and we really enjoyed the music. Rob and his sister Leigh always got the other residents up for a dance and make them feel included.

Star Son and “his Tanny”

We usually took our Star Son with us on Saturday mornings for morning tea to see Tanny. And when he started dating Bree we took her to meet his Grandma. Before Tanny went into care Star Son would spend some of his school holidays having “Tanny Date Days” and quite often if we were going for a Sunday Funday he would ask us “Can l bring Tanny as my date?” We’d go sometimes to the beach for a walk and ice cream or the art gallery one time. Star Son was always careful of “his Tanny”

This morning without even thinking about what date it was l grabbed her sweater and slipped it on and as l danced around the house l quipped “Oh look at me channeling Tanny” who was known for her dancing all around the nursing home! It then suddenly occurred to me the date. It’s twelve months.. already?! How did that happen?!

So we arranged to go and visit Leigh and have a drink for Tanny’s anniversary. We raised a glass and listened to her favourite music and spoke about funny Tanny stories, all agreeing we missed our regular Saturday morning teas!

Tanny with Kit her Grandson and her son (my Bloke you’ll meet him at letter R) and Little Dude (letter R also) her great Grandson.
August 2013. No mistaking the family resemblance in these Hine’s
Cheers Tanny we miss you!!

It’s Sunday so no #AtoZchallenge but…

I’m on a roll so let’s keep going.

It’s 10:24 am and l’m still in bed. Oh I’ve not been sleeping, l’ve written in my journal, checked all my online stuff and am enjoying my third cup of coffee. Yes there are things that need doing but they’ll get done. Sunday is a lazy “get around to it” day and you know what? If l don’t “get around to it” it’ll keep till Monday.

Sure l could be downstairs with my family, l could be cleaning, there’s always that, which needs doing with a big family, l could be out in the garden checking on the pumpkin patch, or starting off that pine cone which will become a bonsai tree, I could even be changing the bedding on Star Son’s bed and his room ALWAYS needs cleaning and l’m pretty sure l’m not the only Mother in the world, of a teenage son- who complains about them not keeping their room clean but I even annoy myself listening to myself nagging him to “clean his room” I could just go and do that for him which would in the end make me happy but is it teaching him a valuable life lesson on “how to avoid things and let Mum do it” ahh the joys of parenting you don’t get an instruction manual when you give birth to these small helpless beings.

Yesterday we brought a new digital scale because when l stepped on the old one my husband said “Between …. and ….” and so I asked “am I … and a half or closer to … kilos?” in the end l gave up trying to decipher my weight and moaned “I really miss my digital scales” which will tell you- you are 76.4 kilos that .4 makes a huge difference! So we went be brought a digital scale and luckily Harris Scarfe had all theirs at 50% off- I’m frugal but I’m also a Bargain Hunter! Anyways l digress.. the Scales came with an instruction manual that you also need a University degree to understand.. a set of digital scales comes with an instruction manual BUT an brand new baby does NOT!

So you have this brand new small being. You are already overwhelmed, definitely tired, labour is hard work why else is it called “labour” and possibly even in pain and then you have to care for this bundle of skin and bones and screams. AND you just gave birth to this so you HAVE to love it! Sometimes you don’t immediately and then you might have some guilt issues to deal with also. A few days later (or six hours I know of one young Mum getting out of hospital in six hours!) you’re sent home and no one gives you an instruction manual.

Of course if you are lucky you’ll have a Mother, Mother in law or older sister to help you navigate but sometimes they’re less help than no help because their ways are so antiquated they’re useless. Like- oh this was a good one when I had daughter number one “Dip her dummy is sugared water” WT??? “it’ll stop her crying” this particular Mother told me. “Yep and rot her sweet baby teeth before they even grow!” Hmm perhaps that’s why my teeth have never been good, thanks Mum!

But sometimes what works with one child one time won’t even work the next time, and it surely won’t work a second time with the next child because they’re all so different. And then try YOUR method on a Grandchild and it surely won’t work.

But some of mine have- like the rocking and patting and then humming an old time favourite, you know when they snuggle against your chest and you sing or hum so they feel the vibration through your chest and it relaxes them, my go to song has always been “Hush little baby don’t say a word Grandma’s gonna buy you a mocking bird” it works every time and Sweetpea who is now 7 had a melt down during Coronavirus lockdown, she completely lost it. So l sat her down and hugged her super tight and sang to her- within a few minutes she was fast asleep. It STILL WORKS! Grandma’s still got it.

Because at the end of the day a hug and some kindness and a good cry fix most things. At least that’s been my experience.

Happy Sunday everyone!

Day 4- Life..

April 2019- my 17 year old son was playing football and hurt his knee. Hurt is an understatement he did the trinity of Knee damages, his ACL, his MCL and his Meniscus it couldn’t be much worse. That simple fall in the first 20 minutes of the first game of Football for the season. Seemingly innocent and yet.. here we are almost two years later dealing with that bloody knee!

The first time (yep l said “First time” it’s getting worse!) there a blog on my page somewhere about the horror, l still feel sick when l think of it and all the emotions of those six months come back easily. He ended up having three different surgeries and then got Golden Staph blood poisoning. Horrific!

He had a pic line in his arm to deliver drugs straight into his system, he had weeks in the hospital and then six more weeks at home with “Hospital at home” nurses in!! As a result he missed time off school and was unable to finish his final school year, another crushing blow.

April till August we dealt with his #bloodyknee as we all fondly called it. MRI’s, surgeons, Dr’s, blood tests, X-rays, heart scans, my poor boy had them all and l was with him every step of the way. My husband would drop me off at 7.00am and he’d go to work and then get back at about 6.00pm we’d supervise his dinner (or go buy him something to tempt him to eat!) and then leave at around 8.00pm and drive 45 minutes home. We were all wrecked!

Finally he was off the crutches and almost walking normally, he’d gotten a temporary job with The Bloke’s company to make himself some money and decide what his next steps should be. He decided he’d like to be a Builder and so we found him a man who was willing to give him a trial and he started working. We wondered how his knee would hold out and the answer was.. it didn’t!

In April 2020 his knee collapsed on him and he came hobbling home, it swelled up it was hot and l was more vocal this time! The first time l let my husband and my son and the football coach make decisions l didn’t agree with THIS time l did not! I called the physio and got him in l told him “l think he’s done it again” all three of them tsk tsk’ed me and said “it’s probably nothing!” Until the Physio started working on it and l saw his face fall and l knew!! He was in X-ray pretty soon after. He saw the Surgeon the next day!

This time he had torn the ACL because the Surgeon suggested that the graft had been weakened by the infection. So immediately blood works were done to make sure there was no Golden Staph present and he was booked in for surgery in March.

And then Covid came! Star Son gave up his dream job because his knee buckled as they were carrying a window and he almost dropped it! Surgeries were cancelled and then he was downgraded to “Elective” and he ended up having to wait until October 2020. And due to very strict covid conditions we had to leave him at the door to hobble into the hospital and be admitted for surgery, all by himself!! That was the hardest day of my life waiting to hear how it went. The surgeon called us to say all had gone better than expected and he would be gone in two days. My husband was his nominated visitor so he went in and sat with him for only an hour and we face timed so l could see and speak to him. I was in the car in the car park!

So from October until today he’s been back and forth for appointments and physio. He started his dream job he’s doing an apprenticeship with my Son in law as a builder and because his boss (our son in law) has followed the drama every step of the way he understands about the appointments and physio and everything needed for Star Son to heal. Today he had an appointment with physio who said he’s doing really good and a bit above where he should be. Then he saw the surgeon this afternoon he is also happy with his progress and so for now we can breath a little easier.

We went out for lunch to celebrate we had to kill a few hours between appointments.

Lunch here!
Lentil Burger and Wedges
Labyrinth at the hospital, with the constellation “the Southern Cross”
Every time we come here l walk the labyrinth and pray for good results!

As parents do we ever stop worrying about them? I think the older they get the more worried l am. Then of course you become a Grandparent and the level of worry goes up a notch!!

Another busy week.

This week its been full on!

Monday was a public holiday for the Queens Birthday weekend, so my husband took me camping, we felt like Star Son was able to hold his own with the help of his brother and sisters. I had had a rotten headache for three weeks, l kept waiting for the next “symptom” so l could go to the Dr. More symptoms never came. So l spent the long weekend camping on the banks of the Murray River but feeling like a zombie.

On the Tuesday Star Son had his first visit to the ID (infectious diseases) clinic back at the Austin Hospital. So we had arranged for me to get my blood test first and then off to the hospital l had woken up feeling good, so l was convinced his Blood count would be low and they might remove his PICC line. We got there ahead of time and still sat and waited. Eventually we got in to see the Dr who we had seen the first night of his admission. He brought us smack back down to earth telling us, “We’ll keep the PICC line in for two more weeks” which will take us up to the maximum of six weeks. Because he is young and they don’t want a chance of re-occurrinance, they’ll go for the maximum time and still he’ll be on oral meds for a few weeks after that. He was less than impressed but l tried to explain to him why it was happening and wishing l could teach him some patience.

Back at home we had an appointment with the school to see where Star Son stood in regards to finishing year 12. He’s been adamant he didn’t want to go back and for his mental health l was siding with him, but his Dad was not convinced, until his Year 12 Co-coordinator said “He’s missed too much, he won’t catch up!” So it’s official his schooling is done. Part of me was relieved, everything in him was relieved! Dad was disappointed. But also because there is no “end date” for his illness, he Is not a good risk to let back into the school even without his PICC line. I feel a little bit sad that he won’t have the Year 12 Graduation or the formal things that us parents like, but he will still attend with his Girlfriend.

Then l had a day off on Wednesday, as much as my aching head would allow.

Thursday l had a 9.30am appointment to get the blood test results of gout blood tests l had taken Tuesday. But l let everything come pouring out, every little ache, every little pain, even a few tears escaped, l just want this headache to go away!! He asked about my appetite which has been on some days non existent. Other days l force myself to eat but it tastes like cardboard. He expected that answer. So then he wanted to know about the pain, where it was what other symptoms, yes l get dizzy, yes l feel light headed but my arms and legs feel like concrete. So he says “You’re off for a CT scan! So we can rule out anything sinister.”

Back home the male Nurse, our favourite, R arrived and l asked him about it showed him my referral letter and asked him

“Will it hurt?”

“Oh No!!” He said “it’ll be all over before you know it!”

So l booked it in and took myself down there.

My husband is in some kind of denial that there is even anything wrong with me, l guess I’m not looking sick enough but I’ve been telling him for weeks “I don’t feel right it’s not normal, l feel weird!” He kept saying “Oh you’ll be fine!” He didn’t come home to attend my CT scan, l did it myself. I closed my eyes and took deep calming breaths and before l knew it.. it was all over.

So now we are waiting again, it takes two days to get the results so it’ll be next week now.

Today l spent the morning with my cousin she was doing some work at home, so she handed me the remote and said “You choose a movie!” I found one with Sarah Jessica Parker and Renee Zelweigger, about a singer, so l chose that, about two minutes into the movie SJP is meeting with her Dr and finding out she has a brain tumor!! I looked at my cousin and said “Well that’s serendipity and a good choice!” It was a crap movie though!!

Waiting, waiting, l wonder where l get my patience from!!

Where else would YOU be?

I just had an Ah Ha! Moment while l was standing at the stove stirring Deluxe Mac and cheese. Not all macaroni cheese is created equal.. when l really need comfort food l go for the Mac and Cheese deluxe option. It’s the packet that comes with a tin of cheese sauce! I dread to think what it is made of before it goes Into that can, But gosh it’s so good!

I have had a head ache for three weeks, l keep waiting for the next symptom to tell me “Something is wrong go to the Dr. ” but so far I’ve been able to ignore it, but yesterday l went to physio and had a sook! I said “It’s probably nothing but can we rule that out first?” I keep my stress in my shoulders always have… but when l find my shoulders are so tight and up near my ears well it’s time to see someone. And let’s face it May was a pretty stressful month.

I tried to make excuses, maybe l need a new pillow, maybe it’s this new bra, blah blah blah… she took one poke at me and said “Oh dear!” For half an hour she poked, prodded and massaged and then did some ultrasound therapy, and reports, “You have two very large trigger spots (knots!) In your shoulder and the base of your skull” so, see! I wasn’t making it up I am sick!! But she also said 3 week headaches are not normal and that my body seems to be fighting off something else. So if it’s not much better by Tuesday I should see a GP and ask them for tests. We’ll see.

But last night l walked out and l could move, and for a little while l felt almost normal. She said “Go home and rest with a heat pack on your neck and shoulders and don’t do anything else” so l did, but oh my gosh by the time it was bedtime l was in the worst pain and l really just wanted to die, l had a fever, I had pain everywhere and wondered how my husband could possibly believe I’m not sick…do I not look sick?

All my life when l get in uncomfortable places l imagine where else I could be.. one time l was really sick almost hospitalised and l was hallucinating l was in Japan with the cherry blossoms, another time l was in South Africa watching the wild life.

When I spent so much time in hospital with Star Son we talked about where we would rather be and where we still want to go… running away from real life is what l do.

Maybe that’s why l am such an avid reader, maybe that’s why l like to write to escape, and those tear jerky movies that l love to re watch!! “Bridges of Madison County” and “Under the Tuscan Sun” and we can’t forget “Eat prey love” all goes with my “Escape theme”its one I’ve used my whole life.

So this week when I feel like crap, my husband in planning a camping trip for the three day long weekend, honestly it’s the last thing l feel like doing BUT l need to do it to break this cycle. I’m almost 100% certain once l get started I’ll love it.

Today l forced myself out of the house with daughter number 1 and two of the Grandchildren, it was hard but l did it and rewarded myself with Mac and Cheese. As l stood here stirring the Mac and Cheese l listened to the back ground noice, Tim McGraw singing “On my Mamas porch” and then my family theme song “Family” (it’s on shuffle play) and l listened to child, 3, 4 and 5, they’re playing some game online, they’re in a group, and sitting in the same room telling each other “Brother look out behind you! J go back and save A! We’re going to make this I’ve got you” and l smiled, if only they were so good together in real life, and then came the waft of well cooked macaroni and hot gooey cheese sauce.. and I wondered

“Where else would I want to be?”

They is my family, they might be crazy but they is my family!!

One week home..

Today was a week since Star Son got out of hospital. A busy week of catching up with his family, nieces, nephews, sisters, brother and brother-in-law. Lots of noise and movement, very different from the hospital environment.

It’s also been a week of waiting, each day we get a phone call from a nursing agency to tell us “The nurse will be visiting between 10 and 1pm” that was the biggest window sometimes it’s just an hour window, it’s ok though, we have no where else better to be except yesterday… we’ll come back to that.

Each day a nurse arrives, the first one was here the longest, l felt sorry for her, she got a bit panicky about the pump “It’s a new model l don’t know how this works, l need to read instructions.” So we waited in silence and let her read. Then she didn’t know how to open the pump, we found her a key, and then she couldn’t get the drip feed to start, l didn’t want to rush her or Interfere, so l quietly mentioned l had the Hospital in Home direct number saved in my phone if she needed guidance. They talked her through it and an hour and a half later she left.

Star Son was angry, angry he had to wear the stupid pump, angry that she took so long, he was hating on life, l calmed him down gave him an icy pole and sent him back to bed.

He’s been eating much better, we sat down as a family complete with a note pad and pen and made a list of every meal we have cooked or wished to cook, separated them into different section, so “chicken” “beef” “pork” “vegetables” “assorted” (things like carbonara and ravioli) and then l asked each individual person “do you like, love or hate it” there are three camps in my house “I hate that NOT eating it!” (Yeah she’s 27!! Her 5 year old daughter’s got more bravery!) And then there’s the camp “Well l don’t love it but I’ll give it a try!” And then there’s Middle Son-24 years old “It doesn’t matter I’ll just eat it!” Bless his cotton socks! So now we have a list of meals l or any of them can cook and beside each meal initials of who WILL eat it… menu planning just got so much easier. Tonight Star Son and his Gal had a date night, they missed there 17 month one while he was in hospital. Madams 27 and 5 were out somewhere so we put aside the “meatloaf” idea because everyone loves Mumma’s meatloaf and Son in law had never had meatloaf till he met my eldest girl. And we asked the only child home “do you want a steak sandwich?” He’s a carnivore of course he did!! Star Son is home in his environment with his familiar foods and drinks he’s starting to look good.

Saturday nurse S on her second visit to us removed his stitches and we got to have a good look at his knee. It looks good!

Two little stitches gone!

Also on Saturday we had my cousin’s Surprise 50th birthday party. I had warned her daughter if he was not home l would not attend, so it was kind of a relief to be able to attend, there were plenty of sitting spaces for him. And best of all only one child and daughter in law and beautiful Grandbaby was missing, we like to party together!

Me, Eldest girl, Middle Son and Madam 27.

Added in Star Son and the always smiling Breeza.

Cheeky monkeys.

My grade 4 school teacher was a special guest of honor he took one look at Madam 27 and said “Oh you MUST be Kim’s daughter!” Everyone says we look alike.

Also present was my bestie.

30 plus years of friendship love her to bits!! Saturday was a good day.

Sunday the nurse took blood from his PICC line, still keeping an eye on his Blood levels. He went to see his football team play, he came home miserable, so we chatted and l asked “Was it hard watching them play without you?”

He said ” No Mum it was cold and boring” Exactly my thoughts most weeks.

Monday l had a date day with my cousin she’s off on long service leave so we planned to go to the movies for her birthday, but the Surgeon wanted a blood sample take early in the morning before his appointment today. Times like this l wished that window of “The nurse will visit…” was a bit longer.

We had to get Miss 5 to school then get Star Son in the car and down to the Clinic, through all the peak hour traffic, it’s just a walk in and sit and wait appointment but we had to be home by 10am and my Cousin and l had to be at the cinema by 10am as well. We just scraped it in.

Star Son was nervous about the blood test because those nurses are not allowed to touch his PICC line so they had to do it the regular way and after his veins collapsing on the 16th May, he was worried it would happen again. Thankfully the Nurse was in and the tube half full before he realised but the look of relief on his face was immense. We got back in the car and just turning into our street when my cousin drives up from the other direction, so it was literally, jump out of Madam 27’s car, help him into the house, torrential rain making his crutches a slipping hazard and then jumping into her car and going, and wouldn’t you know it.. that one day the nurse was there closer to ten than eleven! We made it though. And as selfish as this next bit is going to sound.. it was just so nice to sit and enjoy a movie and a laugh with my cousin! Not worry about pills schedules or nurses coming, or drip pumps beeping.

Today we had our 8 week check up with the Surgeon. I’m always hopeful for good news but the “good blood nurse” warned us the results might not be back. They were AND not only that THEY WERE GOOD!!!! His blood count is down to 45!! When we left hospital they were 70 and they told us anything under 100. So to hear they have halved again, l wanted to do a happy dance and hug and kiss him. Oh and have l told you how cute his Surgeon is?? McDreamy!

So now after all our happy news we are waiting again.. next Tuesday we have an appointment with the ID (Infectious diseases) Clinic, and we are praying they will be suitably impressed and remove the PICC line, he’ll then go on oral antibiotics, which will mean two daily pills and no nurses!! We are feeling hopeful for that, also he has been asked to take away one of the crutches and start using his knee to weight bare more. Its all looking really positive.

And that’s where l love you and leave you for this post.. my pillow calls and lm learning to listen to it.

Lucky 13!

This morning l woke up feeling less than good, much different than yesterday’s waking up… But l took a deep breath and got myself ready and we headed in a little early to be sure we saw the Drs!

Star Son was nervous and less than chatty. Today the team came minus the Big Boss Dr and his second in charge. So another Dr spoke up and told us they had conferred with the Surgeon and he was happy for Star Son to go home!!

13 days, and we were being set free!

They spoke briefly about physio and did we have one? Yes! His football coach was my Physio first! So plans were made to visit him (Dad had already organised that last week 🙄)

Next we discussed Hospital in the Home nurses, ✔ we had met her the day before they were waiting for their say so.

Next they discussed visiting with the Surgeon for a follow up, again ✔ we have an appointment on 4th June.

So we all congratulated each other and they left and l packed his clothes!

So then the rush began, first the Pharmacy visited, discussed what he was taking and what he could stop taking. She returned a half hour later with a brown paper bag and Star Son and l “high fived” each other, another step closer!

Then came our lady from Hospital in the Home, we briefly went over the paper work from yesterday, she showed us how to turn on the pump, and she went away to assemble that while his dressing was replaced.

Next our male nurse Ran came to replace the plastic skin that covered the PICC line, and while he did that HIH nurse was back with the pump. She hooked him up with enough antibiotics to last him 24 hours, then a nurse will come and replace it.

Physio came by with a letter to tell our physio what he had been doing in hospital. Ward nurse came by with a letter and a Dr’s certificate.

And then we looked at each other and asked “Is that all?”

We had boxes of supplies to take home for the nurse to use, his Bags and my bag.

All in all it was 10.36am by the time we walked out of the front door.

All week, last week he wanted KFC, so we stopped on the way home and got his junk food fix.

Then once at home we let him settle in, while l set up the dining room table as the Nurses station.

Now it’s almost bedtime and l think l will sleep well, simply because he’s back where he belongs and l don’t have to do the early morning runs.

Day 13 was a lucky one for us!

Day 12… A glimmer of hope.

“Hope is an olive leaf, to remind the dreamer, the dream is worth dreaming” Max Lucado

From his book “John 3:16”

Today l woke up happier than l have for ages. On Saturday l finally hit the bottom, funny thing is, the thing that broke me was nothing to do with my Star Son and his dramas, but it was enough to break through my wall of protection. It was totally unrelated and quite an old (5 years ago) happening but l was weak and l broke.

I also deleted Facebook. I decided that l couldn’t deal with the dramas anymore, so l shut that down and have been enjoying the silence.

But l also spent most of Saturday sneakily wiping away tears, walking through Bunnings, my eyes leaked, doing the grocery shopping, my eyes leaked, l had a serious “woe is me” few hours but it was alright because Bree was with Star Son so he never knew. I guess l can only go so long being strong for everyone else before l break.

Sunday l didn’t even know if l could do see him, l felt so awful like l was getting sick, so The Bloke let me sleep in and fed me Orange juice and panadol, and l pulled up my Big Girl Panties and off l went again.

We came home early Sunday my husband cooked steak, eggs and salad he decided l needed real food not over priced fried food from a Bain Marie. I had a shower and orange juice and panadol and went to bed, praying to Jehovah “Please let tomorrow be his day” l always find that when l give it to God l sleep better. So this morning l woke up with a new pep in my step and l felt more positive.

My friend James told me that Jehovah hears the whispers in our hearts that our words cannot say. Or something similar to that, bottom line is he told me “Don’t shut Jehovah out”

The sky was pink and orange this morning l took photos on the way to the hospital, who besides Jehovah would think to put those colours together, and who are we, mere mortals to argue, we only stare in awe at their beauty. We left a bit later because l made myself a green smoothie, l felt like my body needs better than l’m giving it.

We got there in time for the Doctors to do their morning rounds. They all come en-mass maybe ten of them, physio, infectious diseases, head of ortho, he never speaks he just stands and listens. This morning l said “Good Morning everyone” most of them responded not him. I’ve seen some of these Drs daily l feel like we’re friends.

He nodded. But today WAS different because last week my husband got fed up with the “Baby Drs” telling us one thing then coming back and changing things, he got loud and though he was calm he got his point across, “You tell him one thing, get his hopes up, then smash him down, we need someone to tell us straight and keep communication lines open”

So today the Boss Dr spoke. He said that there was still some fluid on his knee and depending on his blood results and his Echocardiogram on his heart they might decide to do a fourth surgery.

His smile faded, my husband’s colour faded and my heart dropped. Apart from the fact that Star Son looks great and is using his knee, his PCP (blood counts?) Were not coming down, they were up as high as 250, then got to 148 and plateaued and on Friday they spiked. So on Friday the Dr took all hope of release away from him. They kept him all weekend they were anticipating him spiking a fever and regressing.

So today Boss Dr says, “Let’s see what the Bloods tell us and the echo and then we’ll talk to the Surgeon for the final say.” And then they turned to go, l said “I have a question”

He looked at me ” What if the Echo is NOT good” he said

“We will discuss that then if we need to” and he was gone.

The lovely Baby Dr from Infectious Diseases whispered “I’ll organise the blood tests and echo early” and she scurried away.

So husband went to work and we sat defeated waiting for anything to happen. The ward nurse came back and said he was going down at 9.30am for his echo. YAY! Finally things were happening. So we sat and we waited and we waited and then it was 11.15am while we waited.

Got a phone call from Son number one, got him caught up on the latest news and then finally l asked a nurse “What happened to our 9.30am Echo?”

He said “Let me find out” and rushed off. He returned to do the blood test and report “They decided to keep you at the 3:30pm appointment they already gave you” Ok fair enough but Do l take him down to radiology or will some one collect him?

“Oh no!” He says

“A ward clerk will escort him”

So we decided that since we had some hours to kill let’s escape the ward and go look at the canteen and get junk food… yeah so much for that “putting something healthy into my body” although that green smoothie l took was so good. We got hot chips and bottles of coke and went back to watch Dr Phil. Why not we’re paying for the TV.

The Hospital in the Home Nurse came to meet us, her paper work said he was going home today and she had organised a nurse to visit us tomorrow.. “Yeah about that! Best cancel her!” We filled in the consent forms and waited for half past three,

Then it was 3.45pm and then 4.00pm and finally l went to the nurse in charge and asked her

“Really? What’s going on we’ve been waiting since 9.30am and it’s now 4.15pm for a 3.30pm appointment, should l take him myself?”

She said “I’ll make some calls.”

4.20pm along comes the ward clerk with a wheel chair to take him away. He’s been the most nervous about the echocardiogram because it’s his heart and he thought he was dying. So he came back with a big smile to tell us, (Dad had arrived by then, because the Drs said they’d be back to update us at 5.00pm. )

“the guy doing the “ultrasound thingy” had said “it looks good mate” so he felt at ease and that made us at ease.

And so we waited…and waited and noticed that hospital time is kinda like being on holidays it gets done when it gets done.

Finally, my never patient husband, went to the charge nurse and asked “Where are the Drs?” As he turned around he spotted one and asked him to review Star Sons file and come chat, my husband is slowly taking charge.

And there came our little glimmer of hope!

He said “Mate! Your blood is good it’s dropped by half”

So that takes it down to around 80 and he said he wanted it under 100! Winning! Sadly due to circumstances the Echocardiogram results were not back yet BUT the Dr asked Star Son “when they did your echo what did they say?” Star Son repeated what he had told us and the Dr smiled!

“That’s good BUT we have to have the official written report and we have to wait to speak to the Surgeon, but, from my point of view you’re good to go tomorrow, touch wood!”

We had high fives all round. We all know we shouldn’t get our hopes up, they might smash us back down to the ground tomorrow and we know, honestly we do he’s in the right place and getting the right treatment BUT we want him home…

Home is where his Mum is, (and speanding 11 hours a day in the hospital Mum is missing home too!)

Home is where his heart is,

HOME is where his family are and his girlfriend has open access he needs to come home.

So tonight..

Hope is an olive leaf, proof to the dreamer that a dream is worth dreaming.

My heart feels a little lighter already!!