Tag Archive | selfdoubts

I can’t sleep…

Its too dark to read my book, but its too light to go back to sleep, so I decided to check my emails and online things. Google plus come up with a blog post by Rachel Riddler, she has a new bible study happening, its for the whole month and she posts weekly. She linked to this article…  In Gods image. But in particular was this by Naomi…

The reason why it got my attention was a few simple lines…

IN HIS IMAGE
We – both women and men – were created in the image of God. This phrase is so
important, that it’s repeated: in his own image, in the image of God.

This has had such an impact on me this week. Personally, I have a very loud mental voice telling me that my tummy is too big, that I need to lose a stone, that my hair is a mess… I spend far too much time listening to that voice, and not to the truth of this verse: my body is made in the image of God.

As God created our bodies (in His image), he knows our bodies. He knows the complexities of hormones, of gynaecology, of ‘women’s health.’ He knows that we listen to that nagging voice. He knows how we talk to ourselves about our bodies. Let’s not forget that those bodies are made in His image. We have a responsibility and a privilege to care for our bodies. We definitely shouldn’t be shaming ourselves over them.

And this got my attention why? well, I’ve just spent another almost full week, being sick, and I spent that week wallowing in self pity. Come Thursday night I was almost begging my Husband to take me to hospital, all of my home self help remedies had failed me, I had a raging temperature, I was basically “Over it!” So my husband came home from work, he calmed me, he brought me drinks, panadol, wet face cloths, he made me Vegemite sandwiches, he babied me until the Panadol kicked in, despite me telling him for the umpteenth time “If I was a horse you’d shoot me and put me out of this misery” so selfish I am! And I know I am NOT the only woman who does hear that niggling little voice of self doubt, mine is loud and clear and sounds just like the women who birthed me.

October 11th I turn 50! I have been excited for 50 ever since I turned 21, that seemed to be my milestone, Up until August I was excited, then I got that really bad Flu, its been going around our whole state, people are dying! And in August I had maybe 6 days where I felt “normal” so I was hoping September was going to be better, it is after all Spring! But nope! Then I got this tummy bug thing! In August when I got the flu bug, I started to hear doubts sneak in. “is this a preview of what 50 looks like? Me being fat and un well and horrible?” Suddenly I started to feel. “old” and previously thats never how I felt about 50!

Then the dizzy spells started and so I decided to go to the Dr and I spoke to her and poured out my hopes and my woes and said “I want to start my 50’s off in my best health, what can I do?” I picked the right woman for the job and she started doing all those “Womens tests” you girls know what Im talking about the ones we keep putting off, the Pap Smears and Breast exams and mole checks etc, I had been putting mine off since 2011! She even did my height and weight and then my BMI to which she said “You could stand to loose a few kilos” Oh I knew that! I didnt want to hear that! But then she added “I can help you with that too!” And so I left that day with an order for a whole range of blood testing she wants done and a much better attitude.

so reading this line…
As God created our bodies (in His image), he knows our bodies. He knows the complexities of hormones, of gynaecology, of ‘women’s health.’ He knows that we listen to that nagging voice. He knows how we talk to ourselves about our bodies. Let’s not forget that those bodies are made in His image. We have a responsibility and a privilege to care for our bodies. We definitely shouldn’t be shaming ourselves over them.

It reminded me I dont talk to myself nicely, I wouldnt talk to anyone else the way I do to myself. And I do have a responsibility to look after this body that God has provided me with. A morning prayer and a blog post! Go and read Rachel’s post its really good.

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Sometimes l surprise myself!

I also under estimate myself as well. I always talk myself down and suggest “I can’t do that” when in fact if l try l usually can… well, hold on there was that one time with the zig zag granny blanket. I pulled it out and started again five times the sixth time l gave up!

So l’ve been having a spate of baby blankets, one for my niece, which in turn convinced my daughter that my newest grand daughter, Faery girl needed one, so l made her one, then l made one for my middle girl child that was nightmarish! Then l made one for a friend of my first daughter who was having a baby shower, it was a rainbow blanket and l fell in love with it! 

So enough blankets l needed some fast projects, so l decided to make a dress for my doll which has been made a replica of my first Grand baby Sweetpea! Then number one daughter and my niece both commented they would dress their daughters in that dress! So l decided to make then each one.

My niece is due mid November so l started one for her baby shower which was last week however l didn’t get it finished in time, luckily l had made a nappy cake to take, my two daughters and l pooled our money and made a three layer nappy (Diaper for our overseas friends) cake. So anyways l’m keeping it now until she’s born. So the rush was gone l decided to add a bonnet and some booties. All the time wondering if l could even do it! 

Well tonight l finished the set and l’m pleasantly surprised with how good it’s turned out. I always feel nervous making things for other people my mind questions..

“What if they don’t like it!”

“What if the colours are wrong?”

“Is it too old fashioned?”

When my daughter took the rainbow blanket l told her “if the pregnant friend didn’t like it, bring it back l’ll make her something else” from reports she loved it. 

So here it is…